Me: ...you can either notice it looks like a dick, or ask for a bite, doing both just makes you look gay.
Fat Dude: Can I take you out some time?
Me: My legs don't spread that wide.
Dude: So... can we go out sometime?
Me: ...you're not David Bowie, so no.
Dude: Can I go out with you?
Me: I'm a dyke
Dude: How can you be sure? Have you ever been with a guy?
Me: Have you ever been with a guy?
Dude: So how about I take you out?
Me: I only date pre-operative asian transsexuals.
Dude: Can I have your number?
Me: 8 (allow for lengthy pause and turn away)
Dude: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes, her name is Vonka.
Dude: (at me and my girlfriend) Damn, what a waste.
Me: We're very efficient actually, I've had 56 orgasms today.
Dude: So why aren't you married?
Me: Because this state doesn't have same-sex marriage.
