Sex toys I picked up today... yeah

My favorite responses to pick up lines

Dude: (noticing I'm eating a popsicle and that popsicles are phallic) Mmm, yeah that's hot, baby. Can I have a bite?

Me: ...you can either notice it looks like a dick, or ask for a bite, doing both just makes you look gay.

Fat Dude: Can I take you out some time?

Me: My legs don't spread that wide.

Dude: So... can we go out sometime?

Me: ...you're not David Bowie, so no.

Dude: Can I go out with you?

Me: I'm a dyke

Dude: How can you be sure? Have you ever been with a guy?

Me: Have you ever been with a guy?

Dude: So how about I take you out?

Me: I only date pre-operative asian transsexuals.

Dude: Can I have your number?

Me: 8 (allow for lengthy pause and turn away)

Dude: So, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Yes, her name is Vonka.

Dude: (at me and my girlfriend) Damn, what a waste.

Me: We're very efficient actually, I've had 56 orgasms today.

Dude: So why aren't you married?

Me: Because this state doesn't have same-sex marriage.

Is That What They're Calling It Now Days?

The Ropes

If you've never heard The Ropes you're in for a treat. Their spare post punk instrumentation and the elfin vocalist Sharon's voice that is a perfect mixture of husky rock chanteuse and haunting lullabye.

Her lyrics are witty, bitter and dark and yet there's always some trace of lingering idealism, lingering hope for humanity. In combination all of this makes them a fascinating listen.

Their material ranges between angry-catchy anthem "Kill Her Off" to "Cry to The Beat" which is the most danceable expression of soul crushing depression I've heard in a long time, to the beautiful quiet desperation of "I Don't Like To Get Dirty" and so much further.

They're an honest self portrait of modern dysfunction, un-romanticized yet somehow utterly relatable and human, and utterly authentic. In a world where the entire media pretends to be miserable to sell better this is a rarity, and somehow real venom and real pain are refreshing against a musical landscape of melodramatic posturing. Sharon is completely painfully self-aware without being self conscious, and she manages to turn her mental landscape into something glorious, something witty without ever seeming to be trying too hard or losing the raw truth behind it.

Dirty Minded Romance: A playlist

So here's my play list for now

Peaches: You Love it When I'm Bad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao3pEcoQlMY

Joan Jett: A.C.D.C.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVlcAJFTPRo

World/Inferno Friendship Society: Only Anarchists Are Pretty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0XfNy5XI-A

Joan Jett: Be My Lover

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfteOmgIYg8

The Cramps: Like a Bad Girl Should

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd2M9ynQb5k

Iggy Pop & David Bowie: The Passenger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SESbd8Fm2JE

Iggy Pop: Lust for Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQvUBf5l7Vw

The Raveonettes: That Great Love Sound

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Akl3k1kcPvY

The Raveonettes: Love in A Trash Can

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRUqpgg-8Ps

Tegan and Sara: Rebel Rebel (Bowie cover)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73fdR5CLIAY

Glam as a Feminist Statement

Now, before I make my point, I'm going to need to give a little aside on what I mean by feminist. I do consider myself a feminist, because I believe women should have the right to vote, not be raped, and men and women should be allowed equal rights in most circumstances (meaning that basically people should be allowed to have equal freedom of choice, whether you want to go for a career as a home maker, or a rockstar or a rocket scientist, you go and you work for it, and I hope regardless of your gender/sex you get where you wanna go).

The word feminist has been stigmatized by people who oppose egalitarian treatment of the sexes, so that a lot of people think you're some crazy man hating anti-sex nut job when you use the word, but that's not what it's supposed to mean. I love men, I really love men, well not all men, but I love men at about the same rate I love women and people in general, but generally I think people are pretty awesome.

One thing I think that second wave feminism (the 60s and 70s era of feminism) got wrong was it really stigmatized femininity which is a pretty negative message if you ask me, basically associating a lot of positive traits traditionally associated with femininity (nurturing, aesthetic concerns, etc) and stigmatized them, basically saying it was okay for a little girl to improve herself by being more like a little boy, but for a boy to do anything feminine was still associated with weakness.

I think glam is kind of the ultimate rebellion against that femininity=passivity or femininity=weakness gender norm. I think glam dudes are doing something incredibly brave when they don makeup, it's about the biggest fuck you to society you can give. Glam spits in the face of terms like sissy. Glam rock owns its sexuality, owns its strength, and I think is a fantastic example of aggressive (rather than passive) femininity. It's also a great example of femininity and masculinity coexisting without one destroying the other, it seems like so many guys think things like makeup or glitter are embarrassing, or metaphorically castrating, when really it takes balls the size of watermelons to do that as a dude.

In any case, enough of my rambling, basically I just thought it was an interesting and under appreciated aspect of glam.

Thinking about this some more, I was realizing, holy crap I'm really onto something, listening to some lyrics in context a few things clicked.

There are a lot of glam songs that are pretty much about the virgin/whore dichotomy, and they basically come out on the "women who enjoy sex on their own terms are awesome" side of things.

(A quick aside for those who don't know what the virgin/whore dichotomy is. The virgin/whore dichotomy is a misogynist way of viewing women, where men see women who have sexual desire/seem to enjoy sex as bad/dirty whores, and while they still want them as sexual partners they relegate them to the fringes of society and would never openly have a relationship with such a woman, whereas the women they marry/have relationships with/etc are repressed women with no interest in sex and basically women who take pleasure in sex (and enjoy having it for their own pleasure, not just to please their parters) are considered bad/dirty/etc)

"Tainted Angel" by South Gang pretty much covers this, as does "She's No Angel" by covered by Michael Monroe, as well as numerous others including "Good Girl Gone Bad" by Kiss, "Sweet Little Sister" by Skid Row, "Love Bomb Baby" by TigerTailz and to an extent "Cherry Pie" by Warrent all of which come down pretty positively on the side of women who have a healthy attitude towards sex being more viable long term partners than women who do not.

As well a lot of glam's songs about girls are pretty expressly positive, and it seems the quintessential archetype of the rock babe, is a pretty healthy ideal of womanhood. She's usually portrayed as tough, her partner's intellectual equal, independent, healthfully sexual, and not the type to be taken advantage of.

Examples: "Don't you ever leave me" - Hanoi Rocks, "All Lips and Hips" - Electric Boys, "I Wanna Be With You" - Pretty Boy Floyd, "Hot Love" - Twisted Sister, "Cowgirl" - Sons Of Angels, "Still in Love" - The Stage Dolls, "I was Made For Loving You" - Kiss.

Obviously these songs often largely celebrate the sexual aspect these relationships, but the women portrayed are always fully involved enthusiastic participants on the same page about commitment (whether they want it or not, the lyrics suggest that no one is being lied to about what said sexual activity will lead to) and these songs are largely written by young men, and written for an audience in their teens and early 20s, what else do you expect them to have on their mind?

Not to mention actual glam babes are usually pretty awesome themselves, women like Lita Ford, Joan Jett, Doro Pesche, Lee Aaron, the girls in Vixen, and numerous others are all self possessed strong women.

Even songs that are less positive in their view of a specific woman often challenge specific stereotypes about women (IE: that it's always the man who just wants casual sex, and women have to trap them into a relationship) songs like "Angel In Black" by Bangalore Choir are excellent examples of this.

All of this adds up to, holy shit glam was tackling way more issues than it realized it was, managing to get to the right idea and stay there on pure instinct... which is pretty awesome.

Me and Motley Crue

Also here's one of the clean shots from a recent photoshoot

The Treatment of Femme/Femme relationships in society

So, awhile back I started seeing my girlfriend, and being with her is making me realize the shitty insidiously misogynist way that femme/femme couples get treated by society.


First off there's the discounting of lesbian sex, I can't tell you how many men tell me "It's not sex unless you're sticking a penis in a hole" oh puh-lease, not only is that offensive to lesbians, it totally discounts female pleasure (most women can't get off on penetration alone)

Then there's the duel pronged insulting "you're just doing it for attention" or "You're making out with another girl, you're trying to find a dude to fuck/have a threeway with, right? Cause you don't look like lesbians." When straight women say the first part I honestly hate hearing it, I'm genuinely sorry that many of your potential sexual partners are hairy grunting Neanderthals who can't grasp the concept that "gay means they have no interest in you" but don't take it out on me or my relationship. As for the men, I suppose I have Katy Perry and all the straight chicks jumping on the bisexuality bandwagon to thank for that one, but on the other hand it seems like this has been kind of a dichotomy that's existed for ages, where there are only two widely portrayed types of lesbian couples the "butch/earthy crunchy" type which feature women who don't conform to traditional beauty norms and thus are of little interest to heterosexual males, and the "pornographic/hot lesbians" which basically exist only in porn, and to fulfill male fantasies and are often really bisexual rather than completely gay.

Basically due to this portrayal it seems like the media is saying any woman who's attractive to men, is attracted to men, which is obviously untrue, but still ends up effecting the way my girlfriend and I are treated when we behave like a couple in public space. As well it seems like society can't accept a romantic relationship as complete without at least one masculine partner, be it a butch/butch relationship, a butch/femme relationship, or a menage au trois with two women and a man, there always seems to be a need for a masculine partner, people seem to think femme/femme relationships are like unbonded oxygen atoms always looking for someone to fill in the phallic blank, which I think really says something about the way our society views femininity.

It's a very clear message if you think about it, it's a way of implying that femininity is incomplete on its own, that in order to be fulfilled there has to be masculinity along with it. It's ingrained even in certain parts of the feminist movement, second wave feminism with its call for the abandonment of femininity for women so that they could be independent. I'm a high heel wearing, leg waxing, big haired high femme, and I'm fine on my own, I don't need masculinity in order to survive, I'm not weak or fragile in my femininity, for me this is strength, this is power and independence and my relationship is perfect and complete and fulfilling with no masculinity in sight.

It always feels like such a knock to our status as a couple, as if because we don't fit their pre-conceived image of what a gay woman looks like, even if we are clearly together, our relationship is open to advances. I like to ask guys how they'd feel if some random dude came up and started hitting on them and their girlfriend at the same time. Not that I object to situations where a couple invites a third, but I think that it has to be the couple that asks, as their relationship is theirs and there's something off about trying to insinuate yourself into someone else's romance without their consent... it's making an assumption that because we're two feminine women we're looking for that, and we're not.

This isn't intended to knock butch/butch or butch/femme couples, you guys have my full support, I just don't like the treatment femme/femme pairs get.

The 11 Best Things About Dating Another Femme

1. Mani-pedis can be a date
2. When we go out dancing we both understand the need to break for stiletto recovery time
3. If we wear the same shade of lipstick and make out no one gets lipstick on them that doesn't belong there
4. Femmes are the only people who know the correct response to "Do I look fat?"
5. If you move in together you just doubled your wardrobe.
6. No one ever wants to watch the game.
7. She can appreciate your cute underwear as well as your hot underwear
8. They remember anniversaries and buy thoughtful gifts accompanied with thoughtful cards
9. They don't track mud on your nice carpet
10. They're interested in helping you pick out drapes

11. They're prettier than the other options.

Erotic Hypnosis: Glam Metal Dude

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